Blog Post
What Happened to My Nerves of Steele?
I never used to be this way....
A sad thing has happened to me in the past couple of years; a stressful situation that used to be taken in stride now causes tummy flutters and an unpleasant dry sensation in my throat.
Case in point is dealing with bad weather conditions while driving. For years and years I would take less than ideal weather in stride. Not icy roads or blizzards mind you, those would drive me off the road in a hurry. (We can comfortably say that is because I wasn't an idiot.) But vivid recollections come back to mind of driving to work when the snow was coming down pretty heavily and visibility wasn't too great. It didn't faze me much at all. On one occasion I had a private duty contract to care for a lady with a debilitating illness that lived over twenty miles away. It was a night shift. In the dark I followed the highway during the storm by keeping my eye on the white line on my side of the road and got there just fine. No sweat, no anxious tummy.
I've made road trips by myself, traveling the most deserted country roads or maneuvering the beltway around D.C.
Now things are waaaay different. But its worse if I'm the passenger. Somehow being behind the wheel still gives me a greater sense of control of the situation. Last summer I was caught in a severe storm on the open road and simply pulled over when it was almost impossible to see what was in front of me. Sure there was a greater tension that existed, but it made me more alert rather than terrified.
This past weekend I was the passenger when the rain started coming down in sheets. And there was nowhere to go, we were in the middle of heavy traffic. My husband is a good driver and he handled it just fine. Me? I was praying, praying, praying, my heels dug into the floor and my hands clenched into tight fists. (Hubby did admit it caused him some tense moments too.)
Even a big rig pulling out in front of us on the highway and you may find me taking an uneven breath and tensing up. I try to hide this involuntary reflex. It is very annoying to the person behind the wheel. But it just happens.
Dealing with what is when in the vehicle is the most obvious example, but the edgier nerves have made themselves apparent in other situations.
Why is this? One hopes experience and age brings great acceptance and ability to cope with whatever comes our way. Instead am I slowly becoming a quivering bowl of jello?
Or are there more comforting explanations? Could one say it is years of knowing what COULD happen that come back to mind when a scenario presents itself that could become dangerous? Is it because of awareness that the reflexes aren't as sharp as they used to be so reaction time isn't quite as fast?
An honest assessment would probably conclude it's both of the above and a couple more factors thrown into the mix. And it would be very foolish to ignore the what is.
But the nerves of steel are more nerves of thin rope these days.
I wonder if it could be related to your heart? Heart problems, even mild ones, can affect so many chemicals and hormones in our brains. A dirty little secret is that even mild heart attacks frequently trigger depression because of a temporary chemical imbalance. I saw it a lot when I led the exercises in a cardiac rehab program, and it seemed to be most noticeable, or maybe just more remarkable, in people who had mild cardiac events and who had no prior problems with anxiety or depression. If so, it does go away.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the roads are busier than ever and more aggressive drivers are on the road. There are a lot of crazy people doing crazy things in cars and trucks these days. It makes sense to be more wary.
I would prefer to think its the later. :)
DeleteBut it is honest to say getting more jittery or anxious in challenging situations started coming on before this past January. It seems that as my body ages this is a part that is showing some age as well. It is another challenge that has to be handled. No anxiety attack, mind you, hallelujah.
And as an aside, let it be known I spelled 'Steele' in the introduction with an extra 'e' on purpose.
Cute picture of the older woman behind the wheel. The funny thing is I had a multiple anxiety event this past weekend too. I am planning to write a post about it. Sometime. Although it is not about driving I am sure you will find it interesting! :)
DeleteI am assuming everyone knows that isn't a photo of myself?
DeleteHere's my 2 cents to add to the conversation. For the past 4 years have been driving all over Albuquerque delivering flowers. At first I was kind of nervous because driving has never been a big thing for me. Plus I had to get used to using a GPS because this is a big town and I don't know every road and street. Then my confidence grew, and it became sort of fun. No one gets upset when you show up at their door with flowers! But just lately, my body has been protesting the time spent behind the wheel, and I get more anxious on crazy busy streets like Coors Road. Those west side drivers are kind of nuts! I think it's about time to turn in my driver creds and find something a little more tame to do for my extra income. I keep feeling like if I keep doing this I will be pushing my luck, and will get in an accident. It helps that I pray over myself and my vehicle at the start of every day, but those guardian angels must be getting tired of rescuing me.
ReplyDeleteYour comment is worth a whole lot more than 2 cents.
DeleteI've been secretly admiring you for the tackling the city traffic as you have. It is comforting to realize your nerves of steel aren't infallible either.
Yep, the feeling of being less competent on the roads is increasing with age, LOL. I saw a great BD card that pictured an white haired, wrinkled lady - much like the one in your picture, MaryJo. But this lady was smiling and said something like "I can't hear, and I can't see, and my joints don't work but thank heavens, [open the card] I can still drive." I love it. I don't park so straight and have been accused of drifting into the center line (egads!) but I'm not giving up and I do try to be aware and, no, I'm not afraid . . . probably not the best combination!
ReplyDeleteI answered you yesterday, with thoughtful wisdom and aplomb. So what happened to it???
ReplyDeleteThe gist of it was, people will not give up the keys to their vehicle until they absolutely have to because in doing so there goes most of their independence. But my dad is a great example of realizing when the ability to get to the bank, the store, gas station, and the local library was his limit.
Pondering our comments it seems to me we can use the fact it takes so much to handle certain situations without losing control as a good warning signal. Heed that warning and adjust lifestyle accordingly.